The Carpet Bagger's Journal — moving from NYC to Mississippi

December 8, 2010

White People on Display in a Venerable Institution–A Call for Papers on Whiteness

These people are white, in case you are untutored in such analyses

I’ve applied to this conference to present my paper on The Mikado — where I argue that white people bizarrely decided they wanted in the late 1800s to inhabit their Japanese knick-knacks.  I’m not entirely sure I wouldn’t like to do that right now.

Anyway, if I go, I get to stay a couple of nights on that OTHER Oxford’s campus, and perhaps I will acquire a vaguely British accent by the time I get back — what Carrie Bradshaw referred to as a touch of “The Madonnas.”

I imagine that being asked to even stand near the janitor’s closet at Oxford gives one a certain credibility in academia.  I imagine finding that slip of paper that fell out of  Chaucer’s pocket after an unusually rowdy drinking game on Michaelmas.  In it I find the answer to all things.  I am then hailed, after my critical work appears, as the greatest scholar of my generation — all because somebody invited me to stand near the Janitor’s closet in July in Oxford in the context of an academic conference.

They are going to study white people.  I am not sure I like that idea.  I mean, I’ve heard that they like to take over countries.

It sounds interesting — a study of white people?  In their natural environments?  I imagine the following titles to accepted conference papers:

  • Crushing the Beer Can: Angry White Male Sublimation in a Globalized Context
  • Twinkies From Scratch: Filling the Void of Suburbia with Whipped Cream Werldschmerz
  • Andy Griffith for President: Mayberry and the Tea Party
  • Baby Got Back? Lamentation and Skinny Buttock Syndrome
  • The New Global South and The New Global Trailer Trash
  • Double-Knit Dichotomies: Fashion Victimization in the American Heartland
  • Corgis and The British Monarchy
  • The Shopping Mall Speaker Putsch: Kenny G.‘s Insidious Rise to Power
  • Fear of Garlic and Nordic Superstitions — an Ancient-World Understanding of Flavorlessnes
  • The Pearl and the Clitoris: A Queer Critical View of The Junior League

Anyway, I’m sure the conference organizers are much more enlightened than I am and will put together an even better grouping of critical works than I have presented here.

Further details and information for the 2011 meeting of the Whiteness: Exploring Critical Issues interdisciplinary research and publications project

via A Global Network for Dynamic Research and Publishing.

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